


The White Elephant in the Room

by badxwolfxrising



Series: 31 Days of Ficmas 2019 [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 31 Days of Ficmas, Closet Sex, F/M, Family, Holidays, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Smut, Party, Pregnancy, Tropetastic Tuesday, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Ugly Jumper, Ugly Sweaters, Unplanned Pregnancy, holiday party, tentoo/rose - Freeform, ugly jumper party, white elephant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badxwolfxrising/pseuds/badxwolfxrising
Summary: He crossed his arms over his chest, sleeves jingling ridiculously. “So you wear the laser space cats then. I don’t technically work in this department after all, I’m classified as an independent contractor, not an agent. Let’s switch. You want to win the ugly jumper contest, you should wear the ugly jumper. You did pick it out, after all.”Rose and the Metacrisis Doctor attend a holiday party at Torchwood. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: 31 Days of Ficmas 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584661
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54
Collections: 31 Days of Ficmas 2019





	The White Elephant in the Room

“This thing is hideous,” he grumbled, pulling at the hem of the atrocious jumper Rose had mandated he wear to the office holiday party. The mirrored walls of the lift reflected his own disgusted expression back at him as he examined the offending garment, which pictured two cats wearing Christmas crowns riding through space on candy canes that were, for some unfathomable reason, shooting red and green lasers.

“That’s sorta the point, Doctor. It’s an ugly jumper party,” Rose said, checking her teeth for lipstick. Her own jumper was much more understated, a simple red knit that mimicked the appearance of tinsel with the phrase “Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal” embroidered in silver. The slinky fabric clung tightly to her breasts, the embroidered letters barely concealing the fact that she apparently wasn’t wearing a bra and her nipples were hard enough to cut diamonds. “You remembered the gift for the white elephant, right?”

“Your jumper isn’t that bad though, it’s actually quite flattering,” he complained, gesturing at her for emphasis. “Meanwhile, I look like Doc Brown on acid in this thing. But yes, I have the gift for the bloody white elephant, whatever the hell that is. If I were the head of Torchwood, stupid theme parties like this would be banned.”

Rose’s eyebrows tilted up towards her forehead as she suppressed a smirk. “You were the one who declined to go shopping with me and mum, so you got what you got. Second, you aren’t the head of Torchwood, Pete is. Whether you think you’re more qualified than him or not.”

“I’m definitely more qualified than Pete,” he snorted derisively. “And it’s not like I’d want the job anyway, it’s thankless. And for future reference, please don’t let your mum pick out my clothes, I end up saddled with things like this.” He idly flicked the bells attached to his sleeves and gave her a pointed look. “This has got Jackie Tyler written all over it.”

The lift stopped and the doors opened. Rose looked over her shoulder at him, a smug look on her face. “Sorry Doc, but I was the one who picked out the jumper.”

“What have I ever done to you to deserve this?” he asked, his brow crinkling in offense. His frown deepened as he thought about it. “On second thought, maybe don’t answer that actually. And please don’t call me Doc, either. It just sounds weird coming from you.”

“Alright...Doc,” she said, tongue poking between her teeth. Seeing the expression on his face, she shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, just had to get it out of my system. Think of it as payback for the emotional trauma of having you fade away before you could say I love you.”

His mouth opened and closed in a perfect impression of a goldfish won at a carnival. “I-”

She cut him off, pressing her fingers to his lips. “I’m kidding. Cynicism is how I started coping with my feelings while you were gone, old habits die hard I guess. I forgive you. But you’re still wearing the jumper. The winner gets whatever is in the ‘Ooops! Alien Sex Pollen’ jar and I’m no mathematician, but I think it must be close to a thousand quid at this point, half of which was ‘donated’ by you and me.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, sleeves jingling ridiculously. “So you wear the laser space cats then. I don’t technically work in this department after all, I’m classified as an independent contractor, not an agent. Let’s switch. You want to win the ugly jumper contest, you should wear the ugly jumper. You did pick it out, after all.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed as her lips pursed. “Oh come on. Really?”

“Really,” he said, nodding solemnly. He began to scratch around the collar. “Think I’m allergic to whatever it’s made of. This half human body, y’know...it’s just so unpredictable at times.”

“You’re being serious right now?” she repeated dubiously.

He nodded. “Serious as a second-to-last regeneration cycle.”

She gave a heaving sigh . “Fine,” she said, pulling him into a conveniently located utility closet. Once the door had shut behind them, she pulled the jumper up over her head, revealing her naked torso beneath. Grasping it by the shoulder, she held the jumper out to him. “Here you big baby, take it. Because I know I’ll have to listen to you complain all night about how you’re allergic to quaint human traditions or something otherwise.”

“I knew it,” he crowed gleefully, taking in the sight of her naked chest. “You’re not wearing any knickers either, are you?”

If she blushed at all, it was hard to tell in the dim lighting of the conveniently located utility closet. “I like the way it feels.”

“Me too,” he agreed, cupping her breasts. He gently traced the outline of her areola with his thumbs, watching intently for her reaction.

“Was complaining about the jumper just a clever ploy to get me into this utility closet to get naked and shag?” she asked him calmly.

“That depends,” he whispered against the side of her neck.

Rose shivered. “Depends on what?”

“Whether or not you’re charmed by my efforts,” he answered, nibbling the shell of her ear.

“I think I’d be more charmed if I didn’t feel like space kittens were judging me,” she said, nodding at his jumper. “Take it off.”

“Oh, _now_ she doesn’t like the jumper that she picked out,” he chuckled, pulling the offending garment over his head and throwing it on top of the white elephant gift. It slid down to the floor, jingling merrily all the way. Grabbing Rose by the waist, the Doctor pulled her close. “Would you like me to jingle _your_ bells, madam?”

“Only if you can do it without making bad Christmas puns,” she said, unzipping his trousers and sliding them over his hips.

He pouted. “Now who’s allergic to quaint human traditions?”

“Save the dad jokes for our future children,” she replied, kissing him firmly on the mouth, unaware of just how ironic that statement would be a few weeks later.

* * * * *

“Did you know they released a study saying more babies are conceived on December 11th than any other day of the year?” Rose asked, snatching a couple of chips off the Doctor’s plate as she sat down next to him at the kitchen island. “No one knows why, either. They just guess it’s cos people are more cuddly when it’s cold out but that doesn’t make sense because it’s the most common conception date in the world and it’s not like it’s cold in places like Australia in December.”

He slid the half-eaten plate of chips in front of her. “Sorta makes sense. More babies are born on September 16th than any other day of the year, and December 11th is 280 days before that, so 40 weeks. The numbers line up. Holidays always make people horny regardless of the temperature, that’s why there’s so many babies born nine and half months after Valentine’s Day and Easter, too. Families tend to gather around holidays, it gives people warm and fuzzy family feels, so they shag and make their own families. Makes perfect sense.”

“Right so, speaking of that...you remember when we got warm and fuzzy at that holiday party last month?” she asked quietly, dragging a chip through the dregs of the catsup on the plate.

The Doctor inhaled sharply. “You’re not…?”

She nodded. “I’m pregnant.”

Eyes shining with tears, he pulled her into an awkward hug, not even caring that he got catsup all over his (thankfully bell-less) sleeves. “Hello pregnant...I’m dad.”

Rose groaned. “I suppose I left the door open for that.”

“I suppose you did,” he replied, grinning into her hair.


End file.
